:: the apple of my eyes ::

My Dearest Nieces , Maryam & Aliyyah
Khala loves the both of you very very much

:: keep holding on ::

i will spend all my time waiting
for a second chance with you

:: parts of life ::

I'm not trying to be "sensative " or " unreasonable"
I don't mind if im not a part of anything
But when u count me in as "sisters" or "bestfriend"
I guess i have every right and deserve to know what is going on

:: MY 2008 ::

:: 2008 ups and downs ::

- first trip to KL with dian and dearest aunty , a happening one and unforgetable
- the whole family drove to KL to attend relatives wedding in KL, a total of 30 peoples staying in a 3 room apartment , imagine that, but its a fun experince for me .
- asissting a guy fren in his outdoor photoshoot at Singapore Zoo .
- My dearest grandfather passed away exactly 1 month from our last trip to KL .
- Fell in love
- Besties suprised me with a birthday dinner .
- Trip to jakarta with my bestie .
- Heartbroken , this experience really open my eyes , from this incident i can see who i can really rely on and whos not
- The birth of Shaik Ukasyah Rayyan , Maryam, Aliyyah ,Eriqa Rindiyani and Muhd Aniq
- Meeting old flame
- Dearest shahirah and faizal got engaged
- Im honoured to be their official photographer for the engagement ceremony
- Dearest Pink got married !
-Besides the night life and the outing, all of that shud sums up my 2008

:: My Weekend with them ::

Aniq
we cooked chilli crab from scratch
and i made philly cheese sandwhich

:: on being left out ::

Sometimes i think i should stop thinking about others
"aku ade pikir pasal orang tapi ade orang pikir pasal aku"
sounds fimiliar?
im going on to that mode again now
thanks and fcuk off !

:: Us, cousins ::

:: Eriqa Rindiyani ::

:: Eriqa Rindiyani ::

My sweet little niece
Eriqa Rindiyani
more pictures to be uploaded ..

:: jumpy jumpy jump ::

i want to bungee jump , seriously
tu la, mak kasi duit suro gi bungee jumping, kau buat shopping, padan muka

:: engagement project 1 ::

:: heart or brain ::

i admit , when comes to relationship, i often think about the possibilities that will happen in future if im with that particular person , i will always take counts about his family background , education, salary and most important his vision for future , and again i admit im being paranoid and being too choosy .

My friends always told me , when the time comes, all the important matters doesn't really matters , when you really like that person your heart will overcome your brain

And i guess its true ....

:: On Being Mai ::

Lately, a few friends and people around me been asking me about a few nicknames that i had , i guess they are confused every time they come to my place and hear my dad calling me with different names .

When i was between 3 months and 9 months old , im the most fattest , chubbiest and of course heaviest baby , my maternal aunties describes me as "marshmallow men" from the movies ghost buster , and there they got a nickname for me "mai montel" , until now , a few of them still calling me by that name . But at my dad side, is a different story ,aunties from my dad's side always call me "ratu bedok" because when i was ard 1-3 years old , i will the centre of attraction at bedok interchange when my mum passed me to my aunt before she went off to work, according to my aunt, its a common sight for the regular commuters at the interchange , just imagine, i was so cubby , dah la berat, melalak lagi, kesian makcik ku yg kurus .

When i was in kindergaten years , my dad loves to call me "mekno" , everytime i didint do my homework properly ,memorize timetable or get bad grades he will scare me by telling me that im adopted from a couple from kelantan and threaten to send me back there .i can still remember how scared i will get eveytime he said that. i guess its a good theory to get ur child to excel in studies , shall do that to my future kids . hahah


Mai SB was given by my girlfriends because of my love for sleeping, some people been asking me what does SB stands for , sometimes paisey jugak nak confess, takut orang kata perasan, but SB stands for Sleeping Beauty, besides shopping and taking pictures , sleeping is my another favourite hobby.

:: all the same ::

Some bad rumours about me being spread right now saying that i "pilih kasih"
but its not true
i love all my cousins equally
i may be the fierce one among all the "kakak2" , but being fierce doesn't mean i dont care
Lillah , i love my family

:: the end ::

Today , its officially OVER !

:: i will be away ::

Its just the matter of time before i leave everything , i'm tired of being here , swallowing everybody's negative thoughts , pretending as if im ok , seeing people come and go , being left alone , being used to benefit others .

I felt stupid for not leaving earlier , i cared too much about other people's feeling but do they care about mine ? Heck No !

&

No , i'm not being sensitive

&

Yes , i love my family ,girlfriends and bestfriends alot
i'm nothing without them

:: on advicing my ex and his wifey ::

I've been "advicing " my ex and his wifey how to adapt to each other's behavior and accepting each other flaws .

but today ,

it was a bit shocking when she asked me how to make her husband "happy"

My reply :

u took him away and now u asking me how to make him happy ?!?!

:: On being super sensitive ::

Some people are just super sensitive

But they are in BIG denial

unfortunately , i met 2 of these species today

:: Family chalet 2008 ::

:: Thursday ::

- A malay guy took a glance at me and say "kesian" and just walk off , he "kesian" me because ukasyah in the carrier with me , i turned and say out loud "what ?!?! " ,but he just ignored . I just dont understand why must he kesian eh , is either i look pathetic carrying a baby or the guy is sympathetic with ukasyah because dapat mother like me ? , when i told syefa, all she can do is laugh out loud .

- Today in history , i single handedly changed ukasyah diapers in public toilet ( i know its not important, but im proud of it )

- Everyone is so much more interesting than I am.
Why ?
Because i feel insecure , i have no social gatherings , always have dreadful high school reunion , stuck with typical-malay-way-of-thinking and surrounded by conservative people.

- Taking someone else feeling into consideration .
Why ?
No, i dont take someone's feeling into consideration unless if that person is important .

:: again ::

" well, i say, u gave me a good feel start , for me a relationship as in a girl and a boy point of view must be a feel , we will have a good future together" - sms from someone-

Oops ! , i think i did it again , giving people the wrong message and impression .


seriously , i don't see the future with u .

:: sacrifice ::

I'm willing to sacrifise anything that can make people happy, but are they willing to do the same thing for me ?

here i am , sitting alone at starbuck,trying to get the fundementals of finance theory inside my head, i tried memorizing by heart [mcm paham jer] , i've just finished sipping 2 venti coffee nut latte , gila kan ?!? , but i'm loving it . and i'm blogging by using my htc ! .

had a rough day yesterday, tried to be awake during meeting after midnite is a big NO , i might have sleeping disorder ,bukan cannot sleep tau, but been sleeping to much, maybe what dian told me is true , im been feeling lethargic cos not been going to the gym for the past one month.

and finally , my mum's side is going to have gathering dis weekend , and im organising slumber party for my lil cousins this thursday.

:: on being thankful ::

1. I'm thankful because i'm blessed with the most understanding parents even though i admit that i can be anak yang paling kurang ajar (self confession , susah dapat wei ).

2. I'm thankful because i have a wonderful siblings who adores me even though i lebih garang dari mak tiri .

3. I'm thankful because i have all these people who always been there for me when i needed them the most dedicated to my aunts and cousins ,( tak semua la kan ) .

4. I'm thankful because i have sisters ( madame bloss, pink, teddie and baby nur ) who cares for me , i maybe the most unfriendliest-mean-straightforward person you all have ever met, but u all tak jemu menasihati walaupun u tahu ia akan masuk telinga kanan and keluar telinga kiri .

5. I'm thankful because i'm surrounded by my bestfriends who been thru up and downs of life since we in primary 6 together .

6. I'm thankful because i'm loving someone who apparently doesnt know that i really loves him , even though i know its impossible to have a future with him .

7. But most importantly, I'm thankful because Allah has provided me with all the best things that i could ever asked for .

:: complicated ::

the test shown that i have a complicated life
but i guess its true
i hate people "jaga tepi kain saya"
sometimes i just felt i wanted to shout straight to their face
of all people in the "whole" family , why must u asked about me ?
nak find faults? nak mengutuk my family ?

yes, other may seems that u care about my family
but i know , ure not !

at this point , i really feel that i want to leave everybody and be somewhere else

:: marlina a.k.a pink's wedding ::

:: untitled ::

how do we become ourselves , without losing each other ?