:: against my willingnes ::

its true sometimes u need u to give in ..
but i guessed i gave to much in this friendship

:: trust ::

"i don't trust u"

one single message from u changed everything

U trusted me when ur overseas

but

u dont trust me when u're back in Singapore

wth !

:: Why ? ::

Friends are asking me why am i keep ignoring things happening around me ?
My answer :
will it change anything if i gave attention to it ?

Friends asking me about the bad rumors spreading about me ? Why i just keep quiet ?
My answer :
what can i do ? can it change someone perspective towards me ?

Friends asking me why i am always busy ?
My answer :
its better to get myself busy with productive things rather than doing nothing .

Friends asking me why am i getting too calculative with others ?
My answer :
If ur calculative me, then i will do the same thing .

:: trust no one ::

even someone who is close to us cannot be trusted
u make me look bad on others
u make me look desperate
how dare u do that ?
now , irrational and ridiculous rumors about me being spread .
how am i going to face them ?
thanks alot !

:: uddyn's 9th Birthday ::

if u think im tall , look at my brothers


Blackberry Cheesecake

Enjoying the dessert
Our lepak session, as usual
A Suprised birthday cake for uddyn ,
it was a hush2 thing,
he didnt know the gathering is for him .


Happy Boy
Surrounded by all the brothers who loves him

:: On doing my part and moved on with life ::

What i have done for the past few days ( since i got back from Bangkok to be exact )

- I was so busy with Al Ansar maulid preparation, one of my student are selected to make a presentation for the maulid and i was appointed to guide her . Mariam did a good job , and im proud of her .

- Had a very fruitful meeting with mega express communication .

- An eye opening meeting with tarmizi , once he was a low profile, average and invisible student at aljunied , now he's totally changed, more outspoken , confident . hope to work with u more on our upcoming projects .

- Had a very long chit chat cum supper session with kak yati, kak ita, abg sani husain and his wife at simpang bedok . its been a long time since i met them, tak lama sgt la, the last time is when i watched taukey wayang a musical.

- i missed my bestfriend's fiance birthday celebration due to work commitment , Happy Birthday Dedek !

- My schedule for may until july is fully packed, i have more than 4 events to oraganise , alot of planning , organising, and hiring to be done , currently looking for models can commit with me for 4 days in may and a certified cosmoprof makeup artist .

- Not been attending gym session for a week now , by the time i finished all my work, im too tired to run at the treadmill .

-wrote a confession note.some people might think that what i did is a bit desperate , but i see it as a way for me to release my stress and my wild thoughts that been hunting me since last year , i don't have the courage to penned everything that i felt at first, but after gathering so much guts , i did it ! , i penned every single thoughts and feeling that i had since last year. and i felt a HUGE relieve , yes a huge relieved ! , now i am more productive at work , giving more focus at upcoming projects . i told myself that i dont mind what is the outcome , but still deep inside i was hoping that i wont be experiencing any ""excruciating pain"" outcome . i know that i wont be able to survive another "pain" .

- Had a nice dinner at my favourite place Badoque with someone who-is-potentially-to-be-mr-right-according-to-my-mum , but not to me . ok, im not being choosy, i have my reasons .

-

::randomthoughts::

i'm sick and tired of people telling me how choosy i am
now im blogging about this topic because i want people to know how i felt
is it wrong for me to have my own criteria ?
all i wanted in a guy is
someone who can understands me ,
loves me as who i am ,
able to accept my family ,
a guy who can lift up my spirit when I'm down ,
someone who loves to travel
someone who have the same mindset with me ,
someone who is busy enough to understand my busyness
but for now

i'm looking for someone who have the same vision with me,

that's the most importantly

:: thanks for the memories ::

To :

Syahid . Indayani , Maryantie, Aryanto & Hambali

Thanks for the happening trip and memorable trip

we should do it again !!

minus the drama mama

:: rioting .....in mind and thoughts ::

From this experience

I can see their true colours

:: hello people ::

i'm turning 25 less in 24 hours
so stop fooling me around
i'm not stupid k
i'm not going to sit around and wait for you

:: sorry ::

For friends who patiently waiting for the pictures to be uploaded
i'm so sorry
jangan kata belom edit, upload to computer pon belom, still in SD card
i'm so sorry
been very busy
Hope U understand

Love U !

:: angry entry ::

This is going to be a very long angry entry , I'm not having my pms or anything related to it , but i guess i just cannot take it anymore , i need to voice it out .

I purposely canceled my tuition so i can spent time with u , u have been complaining that I've been very busy , so for the sake of friendship, i canceled my tuition because of u , and u simply canceled our meeting because u want to spent time with u bf ? hello ! , you've been seeing him like 5-6 times a week , still can't get enough of him ?

bullshit ! ,

i know he's your everything , but come on , he still have his lepak session with his guy friends, he still play soccer with his friends , did he canceled his meeting with his friends because of u ? HELL NO ! , boleh gado if u asked him to canceled his meeting with his friends. .
We ladies make guys our priority , been there, done that ! , but do u really thinks that he thinks the same way like we did ? Another HELL NO !

Im not angry because my friend cancelled her meeting with me .

I dont understand why some people acted like this

"sorry la, been busy lately " yes, i know ,ive been saying the same things to some friends, but the reality is , I AM BUSY , i work, i teach , i counsel, i do freelancing , i just started my own business , i'm a PA to brain gym trainer . My free night are only on saturday , by the time its saturday night, pancit already to lepak around with friends .

But some people punya busy is , lepak with boyfriend, spent time with boyfriend , watch movie with boyfriend , boyfriend takde kene reservist, go holiday with friends ,kau jugak yg mati akal, tak tahu nak buat apa, then u started to search for anyone who is available to "teman " u . Do you think is fair for ur friend ?

Again , seperti kacang lupakan kulit ....


I do have special some too, but i dont let the "cinta buta" syndrome to ruin my daily life , my relationship with all my friends , have ur priorities la babe !

I'm not pointing at anyone , but tolong la pikir pakai akal yang waras . Don't let the stupid syndrome ruin our life and our friendship .

:: Ibu Kata ::

This Morning


Me : Ibu, i dont like this milk

Ibu : Why ?

Me : Sebab this milk rasa mcm susu .

Ibu : Ok , u need to see the doctor soon , u behave differently these days

Me : huh ?


People around me says that i've been acting strange lately , i admit, sejak sekarang2 ni, i selalu terlupa to do things i should do.

:: what goes around comes around ::

He likes me
i ignored him
now
i liked him
but he ignored me

:: Numerolgy Reading ::

Your creativity and originality appeal to men who are looking for someone a little unusual to become romantically involved with. Your wit and charm, as well as the wealth of information you have to share on a variety of topics, are also big points in your favor when it comes to men.

You sometimes might have the tendency to give too deeply and too intensely, however. People could take advantage of you and leave you high and dry. This could lead to feelings of loneliness and jealousy if you're thwarted or hurt in any way.

The good news is, you aren't down for long! You bounce back from romantic setbacks and are willing to try again.





Someone did my calculation during my lunch meeting , and i googled it, and it seems accurate .

Don't get me wrong, im just doing it for fun !

:: personal thoughts ::

a very painful reality will set in soon
my feelings are numbed already
maybe i should go on with what is planned for me

:: why ? why ? why ? ::

He cheated on you,
U stayed faithful to him

He scolded U infront of ur friends
U just keep quiet

He asked u to abort the baby
U followed his instruction

He strangled U while u are sleeping
U forgive Him

Is this what u called love ?
Bullshit !

Jadi pompan jangan jadi bodoh !

:: how many of ur friends who stay with u through up and downs of life ? ::

I can actually count how many of my friends who stays with me through all the hardship i went through , and the numbers are less than 5 , seriously , I'm known to have a lot of friends , but the one i can really trust , who i can really rely on when I'm penniless , or someone who constantly checked on me when i heartbroken , are only few .

Today , i realized there are friends who only want to have "fun" with you , they will give full commitment to something that will give them joy and excitement , but when it comes to hardship , helping each other , to be a listening ears to troubled friends , they will avoid , they will disappear when u are at the lowest point of your life .

And there are friends who will stick to u no matter what happens , either you are rich or poor, stupid, clumsy , these are the friends that i've been with through out these years .


Not forgetting friends who only make use of you , financially and physically . these people memang tak patut di hargai and harus di tinggalkan segera , or it will be a virus to ur life .


As i promised someone, my 25th birthday will be a turning point in my life , i should eliminate them who makes use of me , stay with the ones who has proven their sincerity in friendship , to pursue my dream and move on with life .

:: I guess I loved U ::

:: when she came to town day 2 ::

Not much was done today , except for mengemok kan diri with buffalo wings and shepherd pie, and mug-mugs of coffee . A mini acapella song from keris patih by kak ah for all the other cousins , autograph signing session, but its not fair, she wont sign mine, she said i was merepek , chet !

Told her about "taukey wayang" theater , but she will see her schedule if she can make it . I didn't know that am was a big fan of kak ah , i tot am was more to cik siti's fan .

Went to esplanade to see sexy Mr Brian Mcknight

Tot of makan tulang at beach road, but she afraid that it will stain her braices , takut gigi merah kak ? hahah , she going to appear at Zoom in this sunday at TV2

Had supper at Zam Zam

Most probly will spent time with her again tomorrow before she head back to KL .