:: untitled ::

i though by making myself to hate him will make me leave
but it doesn't
the feeling becomes stronger

:: 2008 ups and downs ::

- first trip to KL with dian and dearest aunty , a happening one and unforgetable
- the whole family drove to KL to attend relatives wedding in KL, a total of 30 peoples staying in a 3 room apartment , imagine that, but its a fun experince for me .
- asissting a guy fren in his outdoor photoshoot at Singapore Zoo .
- My dearest grandfather passed away exactly 1 month from our last trip to KL .
- Fell in love
- Besties suprised me with a birthday dinner .
- Trip to jakarta with my bestie .
- Heartbroken , this experience really open my eyes , from this incident i can see who i can really rely on and whos not
- The birth of Shaik Ukasyah Rayyan , Maryam, Aliyyah ,Eriqa Rindiyani and Muhd Aniq
- Meeting old flame
- Dearest shahirah and faizal got engaged
- Im honoured to be their official photographer for the engagement ceremony
- Dearest Pink got married !
-Besides the night life and the outing, all of that shud sums up my 2008

:: 08.08.08 ::

suddenly , i remembered how it felt to be lonely again

I know i get over it

I've been thru it before

and i will get thru it this time

They will never understand

They will never stop talking

They will never stop assuming

and No One Will Ever Understand

:: untitled ::

it hit me hard when he told me she got someone else

somehow i felt pity for him

patching up things with u wont happen

yes i admit i missed u badly, but its just a matter of time before it will go away

i can still feel the excuriating pain when u walk away on me

stop begging me

it just wont happen

:: kekasih gelapku ::

One of my favourite indonesian song is "kekasih gelapku" by Ungu, i will always repeat the song again and again in my ipod, and same jugak at his car, i ever told him that i really loves the lyric, very meaningful, tapi tak pernah sangka pulak, im one of the kekasih gelap. serve me right !

:: Lurving myself ::

updates !

- Start working and loving it !
- More tuitions and loving it !
- New Business plan and loving it !
- New HTC DIAMOND and loving it !
- New SHOES and loving it !
- New clothes and loving it !
- He got cheated and im loving it !
- New activities , and basically occupied almost everyday .

The pieces don't fit anymore

I've been twisting and turning in a space that's too small. I've been drawing the line and watching it fall and fall apart. Well seriously i can't explain why it's not enough. If u leave me now, it's the better thing to do, it's time to surrender, it's been too long pretending. There's no use in trying when the pieces don't fit anymore.

You pulled me under, if i had to give in. I'll hide all the bruises and all the damages that's done, but i show how i'm feeling until all the feeling has gone.

Please don't misunderstand how i feel cause i've tried. But still i don't know

:: the breakup ::

Yesterday, i officially broke up with the person who i really tot that im going to spent the rest of my life with, it really do hurt me alot, i was like crying for the whole day but somehow i realise that its a very stupid thing to do , i started to look for answers and causes and wat when wrong in my relationship,.

Yesterday, somewhere around punggol, He decided to choose her over me , and dis is his REASONS for not choosing me

- im too INDEPENDENT
- im too career minded
- im too PERFECT
- everything around me is perfect, good friends and family
- and I HAVE AN EXPENSIVE TASTE

and he kept saying that i deserve a better guy , and im strong to get thru dis , he was praising me all along infront of the OTHER girl . he said that he need someone who needed him , unlike me.

i cant sleep the whole night crying, blaming myself for being independent , and kept asking myself what went wrong.

But today , i realised that somehow is a blessing to me , maybe there is something in store for me in the future, after meeting up with friends, they actually made me felt better , now im seeing it in a positive way , actually its not bad to be independent and not dependent to someone else

:: rejection ::

All I’ve ever wanted was to live my dream with you. I was not lonely until now. Loneliness did not hit me because I saw everyone getting involved with one another, it came when I go to sleep knowing that someone no longer has me in his heart.

:: hurt ::

trust is important


seriously,


im hurt


deeply hurt


how could he do this to me ?

:: stress mode ::

everything seems to be wrong


maybe my feelings are numb

:: just want to let u noe ::

i went thru the same process with some other applicant
and i got it for the second time
but my parents wont allow me


so people,

i do have brain OK !! and im not stupid !



and dont tell me its luck !

Being 20ish

i asked myself bout wat had i achieved in my twenties

pikir


pikir


pikir


i just realised , i havent achieved apa2 yg boleh di bangga kan


so wasted !!!

:: dia buat lagi !!!! ::

To Whom It May Concern

Dont tell me wat time to go home
Dont ask me where am i
Dont tell me that im spending too much time with my friends
Dont tell me that im spending too much time with my sisters
Dont tell me that im spending too much time reading
Dont tell me that im sleeping too much

I have my own priorities

My Family
My Sisters
My Best Friends
My Girls @ SGH
My studies
My shoes
My night life

Cant you see that ur not on the list ?!?!

so stop telling me wat to do !

Dont forget ,
u cheated on me with a 200 pound-tak lawa-not sexy-fat-curly hair like maggi mee-women
so now, i dont trust you

Dont forget ,
if nak fikir tu biar pakai akal bukan nafsu

Bisakah

a few minutes ago, i received an email from someone who used to be very special to me
in the email, the sender wrote lyric from siti nurhaliza's song "Bisakah"
and at the end of the message, the sender wrote, "pls, do think bout it "

i admit, i memang a bit angry when i receive the email
and jadi lagi marah bila i baca lyric lagu tu
but i cant help it, im tired of people taking me for granted

to the sender of the email, i noe u reading dis entry
i just want u to noe that
i do forgive people
i do appreciate others
im not the type of girl that u think i am
well,
ur the one who betray the trust
u are the one who make me hate u
and
u are the one who make my life miserable